There’s only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self – Aldous Huxley
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
VALENTINE DAY MUSINGS ON THE ANATOMY OF LOVE
Leaving the amorous young things to their antics, as they make a beeline for the profusely adorned shopping malls, for selecting specialized gifts for their valentines; let’s have a random look at the ever fresh topic of man woman relationship.
Observing the young in the frenzy and surge of romance on this special day in metros and big cities, we who have already tasted this forbidden fruit are tempted to rethink about the magic of cupid’s arrows. Long time back we too got pierced by its potent power, which succeeded in playing a permanent April fool joke on us.
Let me start with my self.
The question is who is my valentine? Of course, the one and only, my hubby, who else? The man in my life for the last forty years or so. Please friends, don’t give me that amused smile of yours. Oh yes, people with silver hair and specially those pursuing an avocation as stimulating as writing, would dredge out the remnants of their young romance, from the secretly guarded recesses of their subconscious. Fuelled by remembrances of some beautifully rare moments, the bonding withstands the onslaught of tsunamis and stays intact. For example, when I remember the first love letter I received from my better half-totally unexpected- post our betrothal, which literally plunged me into a dizzy spin, I forgive him everything.
How interesting that everyday of your married life, efforts continue, to reach perfect compatibility, but it’s like aiming for the horizon which seems so near yet so insurmountable. I think life being so short there is no room for new experiments here, unless the situation is beyond repair. Count your blessings and make the most of what you’ve.
Erotic love between man and woman starts on a hugely promising note, with dazzling dreams of a paradise of sorts. In the thrill of fresh love, both profess the oft quoted adage ‘till death do us part.’ Alas!!! It’s here the beguiling mischief occurs. God willed it that way to take us for a ride, to perpetuate the human race.
Remember Satan who misled Eve with his oily tongue into violating God’s command and she ended up becoming our great …great….grandmother. Poor Eve in turn had to use her charm on hesitant Adam to make him agree to the fusion of the two which started the human race, overshadowed of course, by trials and tribulations.
In the first flush of love man and woman feel like being on cloud nine in each other’s company. However, cloud nine soon becomes cloud zero. In the beginning it is merely infatuation sparked by the naughty hormones which play havoc with emotions. The state of excitement reaches an uncontrollable high. Sadly the physical attraction ebbs as fast as it rises. For the man the novelty vanishes soon enough and the gushing emotions plummet and calm down. There is always a streak of Don Juan in every man. History is a proof that man is not monogamous by nature. It’s the societal pressures which keeps his willfulness in control. I remember reading somewhere, “If you want to be eternally in love, don’t marry.”
On the other hand, early on, a woman learns to climb down the fanciful ladder of her day dreams. She has to add surprise and innovative elements in the marriage to keep the fires of passion burning. She tries to tame her man and fails. I think every woman errs on this assumption that she can change him.
The settling process takes time. The routine starts. The union stands at an even keel with occasional fireworks. Children come and with it, lot many commitments, job pressures and so many other hassles. Efforts at balancing life’s manifold demands take its toll and real romance falls by the wayside. Here the busyness keeps them together.
Strong feelings for each other rejuvenate when the children leave the nest and deep bonding ensues to overcome loneliness. Energies deplete and dependency increases. In the restful equanimity of home the man and woman relearn the art of loving. The core virtues of endearment: Caring and respect for each other takes over at this hour. Relaxation, exercise and meaningful engagement boost healthy longevity.
A woman’s role is critical in all stages of wedded life. Her sagacity manages to steer life on track while harmonizing the disparate aspects of it. Her practical, disciplined and mature approach transforms the togetherness at this juncture into a blessing.
Undying love is a myth or is just a fantasy. In wedlock two people decide to spend their lives under one roof with all the allied ramifications. This sacred institution of marriage enables man and woman to achieve productive relatedness to preserve their sanity after our permanent severance from natural phenomenon which man inherited when he landed on this earth.