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Sunday, December 30, 2012

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS


                       REST IN PEACE: NIRBHAYA- THE BRAVE HEART


Before I share my New Year resolves, I feel the death of the fearless 'daughter of India', gang raped and gruesomely battered in a moving bus in Delhi is too bone chilling an episode to be sidetracked or forgotten  easily. It is an awakening call to the framers of law and the general public who look the other way and feel totally indifferent to the happenings around. The powers that be appear to be hardly bothered cloistered as they are in a cocooned safety. This apathy has gone too far to be forgiven any longer. The cause concerns every single one of us.

The patriarchal, chauvinistic mindset which belittles and downplays women emancipation needs a vociferous burial. Let’s see how the concerned authorities act upon the statements which they make in their public appearances. Now the surcharged public outrage won’t be appeased with mere words sans concrete action.

We barely survived in 2012. The leitmotif of this BLACK SATURDAY will surely stalk us in the New Year.

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Irrespective of encircling dark clouds of evil tidings, I recall Alfred Tennyson’s wonderful lines:

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
            Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
           Ring out the false, ring in the true

The countdown to 2013 has already begun. I for my part have decided to turn a new leaf from the auspicious dawn of the New Year. Of course my wish list for the New Year will never be complete because my demands are crazy and keep multiplying by the hour. For example in my dreamy moments, I wish the mess around us be thrust deep down under some mythological abyss, guarded by giants with flaming torches at its entrance, thereby making escape Na mumkin. Pl.do smirk at such a silly pipe dream! But our imagination is free and mercifully not under the control of any thought police (ref. George Orwell’s novel “Nineteen Eighty Four”). If the above is sheer nonsense then, let there be the genie, the kind we find in Arabian Adventures of“Aladdin’s lamp” which may sweep into nothingness all the grimness and cynicism with the sleight of his hand. Ridiculously droll in this world of rapid scientific advancements to think of such funny solutions.
I confess sheepishly that to offer solutions to overcome the surrounding muddle is not my cup of tea after all. I let it go. But my internal critic has to be pacified. Its threatening growls are getting louder every day for some action on my part. So I decided to make some New Year resolves to bail myself out of the pricking interiority. I hope, my friends; you’ll give me thumbs up for my daring.
To be frank all my promises are linked to the social narrative of our lives. A political narrative is beyond me. Though I’m impacted intensely by the prevailing scenario.

                                      On this day I make a resolve that………

Please excuse some role reversal here and there. Being a weak kneed person I’m mortally scared of fracas on the road. Therefore, I promise to be very discreet on the roads because I wish to remain alive for some time more. Hence I will respond smilingly to pressure horns of private bus operators, drunken truckers, police vehicles with some big gun inside, macho cash rich young men driving swanky cars bought with dad’s overflowing pockets from hefty compensation amounts from the govt. for land acquisition deals. I’ll oblige immediately and slow down to let them pass victoriously.

When some half witted behind the wheel passes me from the left I simply thank God that my car and my limbs are intact. And I simply exclaim to console my helplessness," Oh my God”! When some hoodlum jumps a line and drives to the jam packed front at a manned railway crossing, I’ll flaunt a fake amused look because of my saintly tolerance. .
Little role reversal. As a biker I feel ashamed to drive in the two wheeler lane. I’ll be in between the cars in the fast moving lane, negotiating angles like a stunt man, making the drivers of other vehicles drive with their hearts in their laps. Oh no, I’ll also indulge in instant gratification of talking on my mobile by tilting my neck to reach the mobile deftly placed on the shoulder, as my friend’ll not wait. I’m the king of the road. My motto is: speed thrills and other commuters better behave.
As a road user on the inner roads, I’ll follow iconic mannerisms. I’ll prefer walking in the middle of the road. Will not look right or left while crossing the road and if some one honked his horn, I will collect some like minded people and question the daring of the particular human. He’ll be lucky if he is allowed to leave simply with a verbal lashing.

And then while walking my dog I’ll release the leash and let him scare some passerby or defecate on well maintained grassy area outside the main gate of any house. It should not be my house. Others be  damned. I will not hesitate after some he hawing to spit on the sidewalk. Ostensibly to clear my throat of some irritant.
As house holder I’m going to act as a role model. When no body is watching I’ll throw left over food on the side of the road because I don’t want to waste food. Stray dogs, flies, and mosquitoes will have a field day and subsequently, stink as a bonus. I won’t mind stealthily littering the area near my house with pea shells carrot peel, radish leaves and other pickings.
My capacity to ruffle peace is legendary. My children’ll brazenly play cricket on the community roads and smash a few window panes of neighboring houses, trespass them to retrieve the ball and leave the gate ajar. The brats will cause full throated commotion around, preventing peace loving gentle folks to enjoy some undisturbed moments in their lawns for fear of being hit by the ball. No request or persuasion from the aggrieved parties will penetrate my skin.
Of course I’m raising the future generation of our country. The promising brats’ll sure make me feel proud.
In social gatherings I’ll aggressively indulge in a monologue, preventing others from intervening even edgeways. I’ll out shout everyone to silence and usurp all the space for me, mine and myself.
At parties I’ll overload my plate with food as if there is no tomorrow and later unable to consume the whole, unabashedly leave the plate under the table for all to see.
At recently opened Bharti Wal-Mart stores my children and I’ll touch and feel every item and ignore if my child picks up a small chocolate and eats in the safety of the isle. I’m in fact preparing him for striking profitable deals in life ahead.
My megalomania doesn’t stop here but I’ll ,for fear of creating a déjà vu in your minds. So I'm tearing the oppressive wish list to pieces. Enough is enough. Don’t you think my hubris need reigning in?

Image coutesy: Internet
Pl. share your new year promises for all to ponder over.

6 comments:

  1. Hilarious,this is a blast!
    Every law bending Indian would love this!!

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  2. Hi Pattu,
    So happy to find you here.Thanks!

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  3. hahaha, this was an awesome read!!! why don't you write such posts more often?

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  4. Thanks Debajyoti, A cue from you to write about your pet peeves in twisted assertions. I've one in mind. will write, when sufficiently inspired.

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  5. This should be turned into a TV serial!!

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  6. The trigger point is the happenings around us. These impact me.The unreasonableness and selfishness floating in our midst goads the expression.

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