A RANDOM APPRAISAL OF MEN FROM A WOMAN'S PERSPECTIVE

I have come across a myriad variety of men in my sixty plus years; as a daughter, sister, wife, mother,  a full-time teacher and also in other extended relationships. My experienced conclusion is that a large percentage of men suffer from a superiority complex, insecure egos, are easily excitable,  impractical and selfish. Worst are those who are your near and dear ones. It is these who take your niceties for granted, hurt you the most, bully you and stretch your emotional baggage to the breaking point.

To portray this limited canvas, however, I’ve toned down my responses to an acceptable level for self-preservation and loyalty to the family.

I’m also omitting the disturbing observations of a young girl regarding the general human male and intend to take it up some time later.

The heavenly phase of the life of a daughter is with the man as the father. The odds are overwhelmingly in her favor if she is kind and accomplished also. For her, the father doesn’t figure in the men category. He is just the father, the first man in a girl’s life. He is the best in the world, he loves his daughter, protects her, admires her, respects her, values her opinions and misses her terribly when she leaves the nest.

It is tough to be a sister to two elder men (brothers) with their irreconcilable differences. In fact, I’m motivated to write this because of a verbose face to face with one of them recently. All the pent up reactions of years got unleashed in my mind and putting them in words, perhaps, is the right approach to reach a catharsis of sorts.

In the Indian milieu, a younger sister howsoever capable is expected to remain silent like a nincompoop and normally not allowed to say a word edgeways even when she feels like laughing at some dense conversations during occasional mutual visits. ‘How on earth a younger sister who had been bullied into submission when young has the audacity to interrupt and dare to articulate her views.’ She can’t have her own views. They knowingly brush aside the changed realities, fearing to lose the remnants of their power. Being manacled in a time warp, they refuse to accept that their sister has turned the corner and has transcended the constricting boundaries. Over the years the loving sibling relationships acquire the undercurrents of strange jealousies. The brothers start regarding their sisters as competitors. There is drying up of once strong emotional bonding among siblings because of structural changes in the family set ups. The mutual visits turn out to be cold courtesy calls sans warmth or camaraderie.

In the male arena as a wife is exceedingly challenging. The more proficient and intelligent you’re the more you’re expected to prove yourself in all situations whatsoever. The relationship euphemistically is termed as that of understanding and compromises. Yes, the more you succumb to the above; the more you are insured against unpleasant dissonance. The equilibrium has to be maintained constantly. Though you may ignore their blunders you receive darts of disapproval at slight aberrations. Most of the time you are your only supporter and others' pleasure matter much more than your self-esteem. It is like tight rope walking. You can never rest on your laurels. Your genuine, solid and back-breaking efforts for the sake of family are received with 'so what.' Only conscious assertiveness makes way for your opinions to be heard. You live clinging to your own private joyful moments. To have your man by your side in this arduous journey, the tracks demand continuous repair.

In a professional set up most men seem to be tolerable (as colleagues), with the exception of a few. But these few can test your sanity and are impossible to deal with because of megalomania and other complexes. They cause disharmony and thoroughly wreck the atmosphere by squabbling over nonissues. They play the card of imaginary victimhood to elicit sympathy and are potential destroyers of institutions.

Man as son is special. Every mother has a soft corner for the son though the feeling largely is not reciprocated. Respect is there, though. The relationship remains on an even keel as long as the mother adjusts with the daughter -in- law without disturbing the equations. Though the mother may fall head over heels for his sake he’d be more influenced by his father. Very soon, subtly, he starts equating his wife’s culinary and other skills with that of his mother’s, who has to be magnanimous enough to endorse it.

About the men in your husband’s family, the landscape is barbed. They remain pumped up for no reason, maybe still clinging to the relics of patriarchal male snobbery. They tolerate you in proportion to the visibility of your husband’s loyalty to you. Their hostility can be sensed even under the cover of diplomacy and they resent your ability to warn your husband against their machinations in family matters. However, your hubby tolerates them obligingly. You stand them till they remain bearable.

Here is the upside:
 

But I do admit that life'd be dull and stationary without these relentless challenges. On a lighter note, I feel the Adam in them gains an upper hand occasionally yet is befooled by the eternal Eve.

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Dear friends what do you think? Your feedback will be appreciated. Thanks!

MIRED IN THE NO INTERNET ZONE

Plains in the North are boiling hot with no let up from the scorching heat. Luckily I’m in the hills of Himachal Pradesh in the midst of cool breeze whistling through the statuesquely lanky and densely growing pines on the flanks of hills. Unfortunately, however, here I’ve been cut off from interacting with the cyber world for a month now and am feeling like a lost child. I’m missing reading my friends blogs and unable to post on mine.. In spite of my best efforts I failed to set things in order before coming here. On arrival we found our landline phone dead, whereas its resuscitation is a pre- requisite for Internet Services.
Strange situations prevail here. When questioned, the BSNL people informed that the telephone wires have been stolen somewhere in the jungle and an FIR has been lodged with the police. No remedial action can be pursued till the police action in this regard. How disappointing it can get! It looks as if no body bothers about an ordinary citizen. The concerned officials do not even pick up the phone. Obviously, this is hardly a priority for them.
Last summer when we came here we got the phone connection and paid for Internet services with the hope that whenever we’d come here we’ll be able to follow a routine and settle here comfortably.We paid all the dues without enjoying the services and here we are in a hopeless situation. I’m suffering from an agony of waiting without any immediate relief in sight. Even the best of weather can’t make up for this loss. This lingering malady has polluted the joy of cool atmosphere and lessened the pleasure of changing moods of wind, sometimes gentle and balmy, sometimesin a churlish trot and sometimes noisily galloping in the span of a single day.
Till the Internet service is restored I’ll have to stay in limbo and imagine my anxiety ridden state! In the  plains life moves much faster and things do get done.
Since BSNL the service provider company has not many subscribers in the hill state, so much less revenue, and individual subscribers are ignored.
In the meantime I’m praying and hoping that my prayer’ll be answered soon.




Note: Friends, I’m visiting my home town for a short period and here all facilities are available. So I’m posting my feelings about the experience. I request your interest back in my blog.

I THINK THEREFORE I WRITE

Once again I’m face to face with the impasse of frozen creative spring. Willing, though I am, to take up the 99 per cent of the writing endeavour, which is funnily called, sweating it out, but what to do about the elusive 1 per cent which is the mother of all writing? Can I import it, whatever cost? Of course not. That one per cent which kindles the spark within can only be waited upon anxiously.

For the last couple of days, unease of not getting hold of that mysterious trigger point bothered me to no end. I waited but remained unsuccessful in arousing the muse of inspiration. Finally decided, that the way out is to coax the mind out of the slumber of inertia and dismantle the slothful grip of languorous inactivity.

After going through self censure and some resolution, dragged the whining self and sat it on the chair with a big pillow behind, to straighten the back, in preparation for facing the ominously blank computer screen. The task of dislodging the devil procrastinator which dangles like a sword of Damocles is a tough one. But when disarmed, it is felt like a sweet victory over wily treat of impassivity.

After mounting the eyes with the appropriate apparatus to aid vision, the dye was cast with the first click on FreeCell to shake the grey cells into a thinking mode. The game won, hurriedly clicked MS Word before the ‘dil mange more’ syndrome takes over.

A familiar state of mental haziness unavoidably precedes a fresh attempt at writing. A few lines and treasured Sim Sim opens, and the process slowly comes on the track

Actually friends, I am amazed at my own foolishness. Experienced as I am about this tug of war between the mind and opposing pulls which try to bog it down, I should always brace myself to fight it out.

At this awkward moment a valid question pops its head with a smirk on the face and says, ‘What on earth is the need to endure the constant internal squabbling? Nobody is pressurizing you and you don’t have deadlines to meet. Take it easy. What is the big deal?’ 

But there is the big deal! I can’t help confessing the steely hold it has managed to have over me. It has made itself paramount and everything else stands as second. It is a compulsion which is God sent. It is a silver lining in the dark clouds of purposelessness. It is a tonic which revitalizes the body and the soul. It ensures participation in an intellectual marathon which gives wings to imagination to soar high in unknown territories. It blesses clarity of thought process and substance to thoughts. It is a pick-me-up for confidence and bearing.

And the priceless bonus of making good friends on the way, whose love and support keep you going. I wish to continue to traverse the less trodden pathway in the hope of making more friends, in whose pleasurable company this journey will be more enlightening and meaningful. Hasn’t it been the quest of all thinking beings since the beginning of humanity?

So friends, here I’m, trying to be in sync with the unique persona of maverick dame creativity.

image: courtesy Google

STRAY DOGS - A GROWING MENACE

Friends, I’m taking up this cause to write upon, through personal realization of its seriousness. No longer is my dear park safe, frequented as it is by mongrels who roam unhindered inside and outside. In fact the hordes have been shooed away by adjoining villages and landed in our peaceful vicinity. I feel terrorized and my imagination runs wild conjuring up horrific scenes of dog attacks. My fear has got the better of me to make me halt my preferred activity of enjoying a morning walk.

Just imagine that our cities have been in the throes of this blight for a long time and still we’re rudderless to find effective solutions. Does it mean that we’re incapable of seeing the writing on the wall and delude ourselves into believing that it’ll go by itself, like a pigeon that closes his eyes on seeing a cat and ends up losing his life? The grievous consequences of this apathetic attitude are felt by the whole populace –rich and poor, young and old. Yet so callous we’re that we don’t muster up the will to execute measures which have been discussed ad nauseam. Now can any nuisance be wished away? Nah.

Almost every day there’re news about stray dogs endangering early morning walkers, unescorted children, cyclists, milk vendors and mobike riders et al. Many horrifying incidents are reported daily, still no urgent steps’ve been undertaken by our municipal corporations whose councillors are elected with much fanfare and the process gets wide reporting in newspapers. Are the people manning these institutions living in ivory towers that they are not conversant with ground realities? Where on is the tax payers’ money being spent, if not for public good?

Are we to remain mute spectators to the gory killings of small children by these canine brigades? This insensitivity has to go!

Apart from the danger of rabies and lethal attacks, stray dogs pose a threat to smooth running of our daily lives. One sees them causing ruckus among themselves at street corners or near garbage dumps and scaring passers-by. The ferocious dogs jump low boundary walls, snap at owners and scatter waste by over turning the bins.

There is no part of India, which is not in the grip of this scourge. The atmosphere is charged up. Let members of animal rights groups, civil society groups and Government agencies put their heads together to implement an action plan to stamp out this problem. There is no time to dither any more.

.image courtesy: Google

ALOE VERA NEEDS ATTENTION

Something which has not enjoyed its legitimate position in the fraternity of medicinal herbs is the modest Aloe Vera. It has been used for centuries in India for its curative properties to heal burns, wounds, acne, eczema and many other skin problems. There was a time when every household in India grew it in pots or beds in their yards; both as an ornamental plant and as an herb. I remember seeing broken clay water pitchers, standing on their necks, being used to grow this wondrous plant. In the event of some injury or burn there was no doctor to go to but the potted physician was always available near at hand and its gel was used as a dressing.

Aloe Vera is a succulent plant with long thick leaves and grows fast in tropical climate of North India. Though it had remained in oblivion for long but now its medicinal properties have been recognized and researches are being undertaken to comprehend its  composition and its value as an herbal cure for many ailments.

It is especially advantageous for treating and repairing skin damage, scarring, sunburn and aging skin conditions. It promotes natural healing and has no side effects. And its gel is applied to reduce chafing, itching and for its cooling effect. At present when alternative medical systems to treat diseases are being given due importance, Aloe Vera's popularity is in the ascendancy. Shop isles are filled with products containing Aloe Vera as one of the constituents. It is being used widely by cosmetics manufacturing companies. The branded body lotions, face creams, moisturizers, body soaps, baby wipes, facial tissues and hand washes, all profess to contain Aloe.

However, these fancy products cost a lot. In fact you can grow Aloe at home. Just plant one stalk, with roots and in a short period of time it will multiply. The simplest way to use it is to cut off (with a knife) a leaf from the base, trim its sides to remove prickles and split it into halves exposing the flesh. Rub the halves one by one on your skin, starting from face and going down to your feet, heels and toes before taking bath. Its watery gel tightens the skin and repairs cells with its nutrients and minerals. It leaves the skin soft and silky. Its regular use can do wonders to improve the tone and texture of the skin. This apart, scoop the flesh and store it in an air tight container in the fridge to be used when needed.

Its juice is available here in Ayurvedic stores which can be taken orally first thing in the morning by diluting it with water for stimulating digestive system and detoxifying the body. (People taking other medications should consult their doctor).

My mother was very particular about growing aloe in the kitchen garden. She used to cook its chunks with the peel on like any other vegetable for stomach disorders.

It is known to work as a hair tonic also. Put its flesh in the blender to liquefy it and fill bottles and keep them in the fridge. About an hour before hair bath, rub the liquid gently in hair partings and wait for it to work on your scalp. It lubricates the hair roots and helps in hair growth by controlling dandruff and dryness. But a regimen has to be followed regularly for sustained results.

Aloe Vera is nature’s free gift with marvellous health benefits.
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courtesy: Google images
 
Friends, your comments'll be appreciated.

MY GREEN THUMB

There was a time when I was an enthusiastic gardening lover; an interest which I inherited from my father who looked after a healthy kitchen garden in the backyard of our Chandigarh house. The power of the Mother Earth and the recognition that it sustains multitudes of creatures in its fold got imbibed within me slowly as I evolved into a deeply conscious individual. I recall my father instructing the gardener and also lending him a helping hand. Memories are a reservoir of impressions, which connect us to the past, shape us into who we are and become our essence over time.

Egged on by these fleeting remembrances, I managed to set up a kitchen garden in our own house after marriage. In those days the gardener entrusted to us by the university was an experienced hand in growing vegetables. In the afternoons, hot sun notwithstanding, I’d take a round of the yard to note the jobs to be done for the gardener’s next visit.

After we shifted to our own house later, this practice continued. I recall the picture perfect carrots, radishes, turnips, fresh coriander leaves and round aubergines ( the reward of our efforts) and also the pests I used to kill by examining leaves. Those were the days….can’t help going nostalgic about the glorified experiences.

Now with depleted energy levels and paucity of dedicated gardeners (who’d take pleasure and pride in their creation) I can maintain only an apology of a garden.



 buds, a day before opening up

 In spite of all these discouragements I still indulge in growing flowering plants and take care of a few potted beauties. Twice a year I add cow dung manure which my gardener supplies. I’ll just share some titbits with you regarding my little efforts to stay connected with flora.

 

 

I love cactus for its exoticism and grow  one (pin cushion) which I’ve had for a long time. I prize it for its gorgeously delicate and short lived mauve colored flowers and its hardiness in standing extreme temperature.

A healthily growing curry leaves bush, whose sensual aroma gets rubbed on me as I pass by it during my scheduled morning tête-à-tête with each plant. It stands  like a ramrod regality. Its flavourful tender leaves lend a finger licking relish to rice pulao, Indian curry dish and other vegetables which I cook by sautéing.

Lily, growing in beds and by the driveway wall starts flowering in the beginning of April and spreads its crimson charm, making our stepping out like a red carpet welcome. A visual feast no doubt!

A few hollyhocks which surface every year by themselves in February  are adorned with purple blooms in my backyard, thronged by bees.

Then four bougainvilleas bushes – pink and white, yellow, magenta and purple, enliven the area across our boundary wall in the company of three sturdy, towering trees which shelter my loving birds and keep the air clean (two of them Neem).

Most of the flowering plants are perennial and remain green if watered regularly. There are few decorative plants also which don’t give flowers but create a green space the whole year.

A small mint bed thrives after winter. It is a very useful herb for preparing green chutney to spice the snacks or as a side little something for a normal meal. Its leaves chopped finely garnish soups and shakes. Mint leaves boiled in a cup of water and taken with a pinch of salt ease stomach cramps and aid digestion.

I try my wee bit to create Eco friendly surroundings.

This is my garden in a nut shell affording me a chance to keep my date with nature.

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Dear friends,welcome to add anything to the above via comments.

CUCKOO'S SONG

Last year I wrote a piece about my soul mate cuckoo, but that was during rainy season, when her presence is pronounced. But I can’t help penning paeans to her persona again, after hearing her sweet voice a few days back. As the buds on the neighbour’s mango tree grew into tiny mangoes, I was certain that cuckoo is on its way from some mysterious abode of hers. There is some eerie connection of the cuckoo with the mango tree in its glistening glory, starting from the advent of spring. Cuckoo’s internal clock is geared perfectly to appear in our midst around April, when the atmosphere is crisp, breezy and refreshingly cool.

Her daily visits to our area are perfectly timed. Early morning I open my door and go to bed again, to wait for her call. That is the hour when I get to hear a crescendo of chirping, twittering and host of other bird sounds on the three towering trees across our house. It is like an orchestra where synchronization has gone hay wire. But even then the sounds appeal because of their distinctness. I feel blessed in the luxurious state of waking up while taking my time to get up. It is then, that I hear cuckoo ‘s mellifluous coo coo which cheers me and my inner being feels like shouting, how wonderful it is to be alive on such a superb morning!

The pitch of her song indicates that she is at a distance hidden in thick foliage of some tree. Her melodious song stands out above the cacophony of other avian families. Her sonorous voice is that of an expert vocalist, starts on a slow note, gains an effortless pitch and slows down again, to end on a perfect note. Her voice has depth, energy and resonance. If you are a bird lover you can’t simply miss the rich quality of her voice. These days her singing spells are short, sometimes just a couple of stanzas and sometimes just a couplet. It is only in the rainy season when she sings in full throat-ed abandon.

Her dulcet voice echoes in the rustling leaves in the cool of the mornings, though she is hardly ever seen. She perches undisturbed, hidden in a lavish spread, a perfect setting for singing her lyrical melodies. Her singing evokes  many emotions. It has the potential of many interpretations, if it can be put to that test. And perhaps she conveys something as mystifying as the nature of life or perhaps she is pining for her lover inviting him through her harmonious ditty to melt his churlish response.

Cuckoo’s musical notes brimmed with romance and magic surge up amazing emotions in the human heart.

courtesy: Google image